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Car Memories

Merry Christmas!

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‘Twas the night before christmas and all through the shop,
not a creature was stirring, not even a cop.
The wrenches were hung on the pegboard with care,
in hopes that a new carb soon would be there.

The sparkplugs were threaded, snug in the beds,
while dreams of top fuelers roared in their heads.
Pretending I’m Force’s crew chief, I don my cap,
and settled down for a cozy night’s nap.

When out on the asphalt, there came a big screech,
I grabbed my 12-gauge shotty, and put 2 in the breach.
Away to the window, I stumbled and bumbled,
gosh darn, kids and these dang legos…#%$^@.

The moon was so bright, it reflected off the snow,
I didn’t even need my spotlight I got from Costco.
When all of a sudden what do I see?
A cherry red ’67 Chevy, slammed down to the weeds.








It’s driver got out, dressed all in red,
I knew in a moment, this dude ain’t right in the head.
He dropped the tailgate and leaned on the bed
Then 8 elves crawled out, each looking well fed.

Nowgetonouttathere! said this redneck-looking Ginger,
“We gots work to do and I ain’t liftin’ a finger.
Pick the lock in that door, let’s get inside,
I want to snap photos of me and my ride”.

The elves rushed the door and they really worked quick,
For it only took 4 seconds for the lock to go “click”.
Then they raised the overhead and backed in that truck,
Using no mirrors, they did it with luck.

I snuck around the side door, to see what they planned,
and sprained my ankle on a gosh darn skateboard, dang it son…
Anyway, the elves had set up an entire photo studio,
They had lights and cameras and were ready for video.

Then when that ginger boy climbed up on the hood,
I knew that this would end with no good.
The elves were talking and calling the shots,
“Your a lion, a tiger, man this gonna look hawt”

The ginger boy was acting like Tawny Kitaen,
Only there was no music, so he just looked insane.
When the flashes stopped flashing, their gear stowed quite neatly,
The elves climbed in the bed, and the Ginger wolfed down a twinkie.

He jumped in the cab, and turned on the ignition,
he aired up the bags, ’cause his truck is on switches.
“I hope this was worth it”, said redneck Santa Claus,
Merry Christmas to all, from the elves at Red Dirt Rodz.


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